The profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passed in the street, have a life as complex as one's own, which they are constantly living despite one's personal lack of awareness of it.
This word, from the dictionary of obscure sorrows, touched me at a level no other word previously probably had emotionally, and it challenged my conscience, it led me on a journey through my thoughts and imprints in my memory reconciling all those who I had seen and interacted with in my recent past.
If you still don't comprehend why, take a minute, and re-read the definition of Sonder, and think about the following and I request you to contemplate deeply henceforth :
All of the people that you pass by on the street, as your walk past them, you share a momentary glance with, as you subconsciously register their face, and they register yours, simultaneously in the act of dodging each other at close quarters, or crossing one another at a distance or across a street. The emotions in these subsecond interactions vary. Some are of acute indifference, others passby with a curious look, with a wrinkled forehead as they pass by, almost as if trying to decipher you. And the unforgettable ones, strangers that register in your memories, the ones who nod subtly, or have that twinkle in the eye, as they pass by, sometimes with a sly smile on the contours of their lips, almost as if they understand and comprehend you and your life from that miniscule interplay, almost as if they live in a parallel universe that is very similar to yours, one that you're not privy to. And probably, you're that person they remember, because of your impulsive reaction(s) to compliment theirs.
Now, even deeper is feeling of sonder about people you see on the regular, but don't really know or talk to - the people in the gym that share the same time slot, with whom your only interaction is a curt nod of aquaintaince, or the lady in your local supermarket that you see everyday, or the people you see on your daily commute to work, or the colleagues on a different floor of the office who your share the lift with, all with whom you share a smile of vague association, or indulge in a small joke every once in a while, and yet, you don't really know.
A universe distinct from your own immediate universe, exclusive in parts, and oblivious to you, intersecting in others. Some completely different in their experiences, and others sharing uncannily similar experiences.
And the realization that all of these people have a life of their own, a completely different universe from your own, is profound and humbling. A realization that should help ground our ego, and our inhibitions about life, and the sheer scale of things.
An as you start growing your aquaintaince through friendship, these exclusive universes converge in a union, expanding your universe and theirs.
Why limit ourselves to only humankind? The realization that the other animals (and flora) that you see, some momentarily, others on a regular basis - the dogs you see regularly in the park, the birds that frequent your surroundings, or call it home - here in Ireland, they're mostly seagulls, magpies and pigeons - have a life of their own, not centered around your own universe, is even more profound, and exponentially expands the scale of sonder that encapsulates us.
The fact that all of these coexisting beings who end up as a blur in your memories - the face you saw on your commute, the co-passenger in that one random flight, that person in the gym, live in their own universe, with their own dreams, ideologies, routines, thoughts, experiences - is an overwhelming realization in it's own right.
So, the next time you see a stranger, an acquaintance through shared time or location, or a momentary interaction, I encourage you to really look at them, and appreciate their universe, and in turn, expand your own.
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